June 2010

I found a note on our kitchen table today. addressed to me. it was from seth and i am still looking at it. i think this letter not only exemplifies the beautiful character that is my husband seth, but also where our hope lies in this marriage. And really, how we want our marriage to "work." It is the relationship between not only ourselves but with our community, that is the Body. Since really we only know how to love due to the love that has been shown to us which is ultimately only possible by the Son, Jesus Christ.

We are now a month into this lifetime together and already we have been faced with some big descisions and big things to consider: the big ones being: buy or rent a house or an apartment (deciding to buy a house is big. so stressful; and we got back from the honeymoon and were forced to make a descision--quick), how does natural family planning work?? and the usual stuff like switching all the insurances, moneys, and names.....
"My Beloved Brooke, We are nearing the first month of marriage and, aside from the (mostly) care-free honeymoon, we have had cares and worries for a full year it seems. Through this and the many coming months together I want to provide icons as guideposts so that we can find our way. There will be distractions, discouragements and disaster but, I am confident that if we live virtuously and embody the grace so powerfully present in the life of Christ- in the narrative of scripture and in the Church we call our Family - we will be spared the clutch of Despair....."

Seth went on to give me another Byzantine icon of "Follow Me" which is an image of Jesus as the center in red and blue garments and surrounding Him, six scenes from the Gospels. I love icons. I think they are a brilliant way to communicate the story of Christ. I always joke that I learned more from my Art History 111 class at CSU about Christianity/Bible stories than I did throughout my youth and childhood at church and sunday school.

hmmm i don't know what else to say. it's way too hot. i like icons. my husband is really thoughtful. i need to practice my lines for the telenovela tomorrow. and there is a house inspector on our roof right now--at least he's nice and told me that we had our air filter in the wrong way.

awe....buying a house..........

THERE WE ARE ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ [the kiss of peace]

it's lame but rather than getting the incessant "knot newsletters" I am now getting the knot's sister magazine's updates: "The Nest."

I know better than to read any of it because I know I'd just be discouraged and angry at modern marriage culture! But when the subject line in my inbox read "Jealous of a bachelor party?" I had to read it.

Bachelor and Bachelorette parties are messed up. I mean, popular, mainstream parties? How could anyone get behind or logically defend bachelor/ette parties (strippers, lap dances, penis games, etc?) Even the ideas of "one last night of freedom?" I argue this attitude might be a symptom of why so many marriages fail. First of all, if one goes into a marriage thinking that the way to prepare for the upcoming wedding day is to watch another girl get naked or fool around with penis paraphernalia something is wrong. They are setting theirselves up for a life of disappointment and individualism if they think they need to relieve themselves of the things that would be repressed in marriage. I feel that marriage is the opposite: it opens up a world of opportunity. True, a bachelor/ette party is a great time to spend with people who are really behind the marriage or people who have been really close to the bride/groom. For me, it's a thank you, a homage to the old days, the days that will indeed end (since, I mean, yeah, when a person gets married they are part of a new identity/reality: that of a husband or wife to their spouse...but I am not at all under the assumption that friendships or anything changes...there is just more love to go around...)

Besides the article and this line in particular, "but when you start putting restrictions on him for no good reason" (how is saying no to seeing a girl degrade herself and thus contributing to the smut that is the pornographic industry such a bad thing--this is the indicator of a culture in trouble--degradation isn't worried about--people don't keep each other accountable to morals. Relativity. no right or wrong? i don't think so.)

there are the comments. There is this strange trend for women and its that many say "I trust he wouldn't do anything to hurt me" and thus talk themselves (or rather make a safe way for their spouses to do things that shouldn't be okay in a marriage into being okay with something that should hurt) into a dilemma. So many have been manipulated to think that it's wrong for significant others to put restrictions on the unmoral behaviors they engage in; that it's [boundaries for the sake of "other"] the worse of two evils.

Strip joints are foul places. There is no excuse for them. And I get really sad when things like this are thought of as "normal" or expected behavior.

The problem is thinking of boundaries as restrictions. It's the American perception of freedom: no boundaries, celebration of the individual , and materialism. For me, in life (and marriage) I give myself over and in turn I actually gain more life: full of richness and "realness". But first you give it up. AND if both spouses are giving themselves to the other, there is no room to fear control and confinement.


Anyways, that's my rant for today. Maybe tomorrow it will be what I think about big families and the environment. I love being married to Seth. I am blessed with a really really really great person for my husband.

We've had quite the intense week after returning from the honeymoon. Actually, the night before the wedding we saw a for sale sign in front of our rental...we have been trying to make the MAJOR decision of whether to buy this beloved house or not. UGHHHHHH. But hey, it's so awesome to be able to have someone to make these decisions with!!!!

I think Julian likes us married too.


Happy Tuesday,

Brooke (for the first time on this blog) Forwood

I've been sort of avoiding this post; the post where I admit my nerves, my anxiety, and anticipation surrounding the excitement of the wedding (IN 5 DAYS).

It's not just the details of the wedding; for, everything seems to be falling into place just fine. Of course I find myself wondering: are my nonmatching table clothes going to match? do we have enough mason jars? if everyone knowing where and when they need to be? is this music going to work????? but my real anxiety comes from being in front of people, feeling that pressure to be to look to be the perfect "bride." ("bride" in the american sense). but I'm not that. I don't even have much confidence, and when I feel the weight of the approaching day pressing, I feel even more insecure: how am I going to be physically able to stand infront of two hundred people without literally falling apart?

This is where prayer and encouragement from my dear friends has shown its power. I experienced most of this, above, stress last week--the week I anticipated this pre-wedding week. I'm actually calm-considering, and I can actually see myself going through the morning of the wedding not jittery, but laughing and clear-headed. I'm astonished, really. And I am so thankful for the blessing of the support from our wonderful friends and family.

And then I think about my Seth--how he has always been this strong man who I can turn and confide in. He is so good to me and I am honored to stand holding his hand at that altar. These are the eyes I will see when I am feeling scared or uncomfortable, these are the hands that will squeeze mine to remind me where I am. I just have to remember that he's going to be going through all these motions with me. It's a simple reminder but one I honestly need to remember more often. It's us up there...not me.

[with a pause. a sigh. and relief...] what a great night it will be. (that's a huge thing for me to say--it's hard when you think about all the details) what could go wrong? I get to be on his arm all day and night. How great is that?!

with all this said, I am ready for the wedding to happen. To be here and be over. I don't think that's a bad thing to say because all it means is: I want to be married.

phew. I'm real tired. and I highly doubt I will write again until after the honeymoon!

...........Now I can really begin becoming Brooke Forwood...........................

Fourteen

Two weeks and I'll be Brooke Forwood. I have to kind of tilt my head to see if I'm looking at that right....really? I'm going to be married?!

Not just married, but beginning a life with one of the most good and noble beings I've ever met. Though I don't believe in the phrase, I want to shout, "I am so in love with this man." I'm just so excited.

It's been so long since I've written last. In that time I have been stressed. After getting home from a weekend in Nebraska, I went through a couple weeks of homework, projects, news of needing to find a subletter--quick, finals, exploring family planning (what?), moving, cleaning/reorganizing the "downing ct" bachelor pad, on top of wedding planning. But now that school is over, I really am relieved, refreshed (i slept in till 10 today!!!!), and ready to make this big step.

The other morning I read a wedding homily that was so perfect. I think the subject matter of this little piece was perfect for the subject of a wedding....that is, what a marriage is all about. It was called, "Water is Thicker than Blood" after a book the bride had written. In her book she apparently argued, "that Christians have failed to understand what we do when we marry or do not marry because we have divorced marriage from its theological home in the history of salvation. She suggests that all Christians, through our baptisms, are constituted by the eschatological states of marriage and viginity. Accordingly the family is reconfigured by baptism, which means blood relations are no onger primary, but rather one's relationship to God."

In the homily, it is said that the "love learned in the church, cannot help but be an institution of hospitality." It is pointed out the dependent nature of marriage--between not only the couple but between "others." In fact, "they discover their marriage depends on the lives of others." And since it affected me so greatly I'm just going to copy it all rather than paraphrase:

"For in fact marriage between Christians is hopeless and impossible if the married are not surrounded by those poor in spirit, if they do not learn from those that mourn, if they lack the resources provided by the meek, if they are robbed of those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, if they lack the example of those who are merciful, if they lose all contact with those who are pure at heart, if they have no friends who practice peace, if there are not amound us those who are persecuted for righteousness. Moreover, if Christians have not learned to "bear with one another," if we do not forgive one another as the Lord has forgiven us, if we do not admonish one another in all wisdom, if we do not, with gratitude in our hearts, sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God, we cannot encourage one another to marry."

In two weeks we'll be married, proclaiming our vows to our friends, our family, our Church; may it be pleasing and honoring to Him who has made it possible to love in the first place.

Happy Saturday night.

ps.

I have spent the past two days reorganizing Seth's house. I love it here and I never want to leave. I have used our new kitchen appliances to make some of the best dessert ever--I can now have Sticky Toffee pudding at any time! We started putting the finishing touches on our favors. They are the cutest things I've ever seen. Once we finish these we don't have much else to do!!!!

was he really not expecting I'd hug him during this kitchen photoshoot? hahahaha

I've got to go

seth is coming to get me and we're going to drive with his parents (in the new car :) to his Grammie's house in O'Neill Nebraska.

I'm so excited, just like the excitement I used to feel when I'd wake up in anticipation of drive through the gorgeous rolling landscape.

I don't care what anyone says. Nebraska flat scenery cannot be beat.

Here we go! And when we get back, it will be May, my sister will be home, and I'll be refreshed (i think this might be the only way to get me really "destressed") and ready to finish the last week of classes...then...finals.

okay

"halfway moved. goodbye downing"

Clearly, I can't read things like this on mornings like these. This status update by one of Seth's housemates, Riley, set off this weird reaction. I'm unsettled in a good way. Emotional, excited--the accumulation of knowing that everything is changing. I'm excited for it but it happens so fast and is overwhelming.

This past week my sisters and mother in laws threw me a bridal shower that was beautiful, delicious, hospitable, tear-jerking, and funny. At times I feel like I don't deserve all that was given to us as we start our home. Everyone was so generous. But I moved a lot of the stuff (lamp, mixer, stoneware, coffeemakers, towels, dishclothes,aprons!) to Seth's, and suddenly I'm realizing, okay, this week, next week, finals week and then fourteen days of preparation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 32 more days. what what what what what what.

here are some pictures from the shower. I'm so blessed, and great, "I'm crying again."

Happy Monday!!!!!

I might be doing it a bit different.

I just started my seeds! Sure, I documented and listened to music on my macbook, so perhaps gardening to me is different from what grandparents would have done, but the seeds went in the soil and my hands were dirty and I planted something that will give life to the earth as well as my house.

As the school year winds to a close, so does my engagement to Seth Forwood. We soon will be married. It's so hard to do homework when all I want to do is prepare for the life and home that we will soon live in. I haven't touched my reading today, which in someways I think is a very healthy thing for me. I'm a bit of an obsessive student, addicted to As and I would rather put an appropriate amount of energy on this new life changing event: marriage. Sure, grades are great, but they are so temporary. This is what I am trying to tell myself. So, for the moment, I'm ignoring the homework, and focusing on our future.

After buying my seeds and supplies, I found an email from Seth waiting for me. It asked if we could include this slow song during our wedding reception playlist. I listened to it, and immediately found myself so moved by its feel, words, and theme. I kind of want it to be the first song we dance to. And so funny that I received it right before starting my seeds. It's a story of a couple tied to Creation, to virtue, to Love....yeah. It's a picture of the kind of life I've been trying to illustrate in these blog posts. Timeless in it's message, it's a song that tells of our grandparents' marriage and all those we hope to emulate. It's inspiring to say the least.

Here it is: excuse the video....I haven't even watched it, i just searched for Ryan Adam's "In My Time of Need" and this is what came up.

And as you listen you can look at my first processes with my seeds!

I am planting lettuce, cabbage, carrots, beans, tomatoes, broccoli, and basil.

I love Fridays.