Monday, May 24, 2010

I've been sort of avoiding this post; the post where I admit my nerves, my anxiety, and anticipation surrounding the excitement of the wedding (IN 5 DAYS).

It's not just the details of the wedding; for, everything seems to be falling into place just fine. Of course I find myself wondering: are my nonmatching table clothes going to match? do we have enough mason jars? if everyone knowing where and when they need to be? is this music going to work????? but my real anxiety comes from being in front of people, feeling that pressure to be to look to be the perfect "bride." ("bride" in the american sense). but I'm not that. I don't even have much confidence, and when I feel the weight of the approaching day pressing, I feel even more insecure: how am I going to be physically able to stand infront of two hundred people without literally falling apart?

This is where prayer and encouragement from my dear friends has shown its power. I experienced most of this, above, stress last week--the week I anticipated this pre-wedding week. I'm actually calm-considering, and I can actually see myself going through the morning of the wedding not jittery, but laughing and clear-headed. I'm astonished, really. And I am so thankful for the blessing of the support from our wonderful friends and family.

And then I think about my Seth--how he has always been this strong man who I can turn and confide in. He is so good to me and I am honored to stand holding his hand at that altar. These are the eyes I will see when I am feeling scared or uncomfortable, these are the hands that will squeeze mine to remind me where I am. I just have to remember that he's going to be going through all these motions with me. It's a simple reminder but one I honestly need to remember more often. It's us up there...not me.

[with a pause. a sigh. and relief...] what a great night it will be. (that's a huge thing for me to say--it's hard when you think about all the details) what could go wrong? I get to be on his arm all day and night. How great is that?!

with all this said, I am ready for the wedding to happen. To be here and be over. I don't think that's a bad thing to say because all it means is: I want to be married.

phew. I'm real tired. and I highly doubt I will write again until after the honeymoon!
...........Now I can really begin becoming Brooke Forwood...........................

Saturday, May 15, 2010


Two weeks and I'll be Brooke Forwood. I have to kind of tilt my head to see if I'm looking at that right....really? I'm going to be married?!

Not just married, but beginning a life with one of the most good and noble beings I've ever met. Though I don't believe in the phrase, I want to shout, "I am so in love with this man." I'm just so excited.

It's been so long since I've written last. In that time I have been stressed. After getting home from a weekend in Nebraska, I went through a couple weeks of homework, projects, news of needing to find a subletter--quick, finals, exploring family planning (what?), moving, cleaning/reorganizing the "downing ct" bachelor pad, on top of wedding planning. But now that school is over, I really am relieved, refreshed (i slept in till 10 today!!!!), and ready to make this big step.

The other morning I read a wedding homily that was so perfect. I think the subject matter of this little piece was perfect for the subject of a wedding....that is, what a marriage is all about. It was called, "Water is Thicker than Blood" after a book the bride had written. In her book she apparently argued, "that Christians have failed to understand what we do when we marry or do not marry because we have divorced marriage from its theological home in the history of salvation. She suggests that all Christians, through our baptisms, are constituted by the eschatological states of marriage and viginity. Accordingly the family is reconfigured by baptism, which means blood relations are no onger primary, but rather one's relationship to God."

In the homily, it is said that the "love learned in the church, cannot help but be an institution of hospitality." It is pointed out the dependent nature of marriage--between not only the couple but between "others." In fact, "they discover their marriage depends on the lives of others." And since it affected me so greatly I'm just going to copy it all rather than paraphrase:

"For in fact marriage between Christians is hopeless and impossible if the married are not surrounded by those poor in spirit, if they do not learn from those that mourn, if they lack the resources provided by the meek, if they are robbed of those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, if they lack the example of those who are merciful, if they lose all contact with those who are pure at heart, if they have no friends who practice peace, if there are not amound us those who are persecuted for righteousness. Moreover, if Christians have not learned to "bear with one another," if we do not forgive one another as the Lord has forgiven us, if we do not admonish one another in all wisdom, if we do not, with gratitude in our hearts, sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God, we cannot encourage one another to marry."

In two weeks we'll be married, proclaiming our vows to our friends, our family, our Church; may it be pleasing and honoring to Him who has made it possible to love in the first place.

Happy Saturday night.

I have spent the past two days reorganizing Seth's house. I love it here and I never want to leave. I have used our new kitchen appliances to make some of the best dessert ever--I can now have Sticky Toffee pudding at any time! We started putting the finishing touches on our favors. They are the cutest things I've ever seen. Once we finish these we don't have much else to do!!!!

was he really not expecting I'd hug him during this kitchen photoshoot? hahahaha