it's lame but rather than getting the incessant "knot newsletters" I am now getting the knot's sister magazine's updates: "The Nest."
I know better than to read any of it because I know I'd just be discouraged and angry at modern marriage culture! But when the subject line in my inbox read "Jealous of a bachelor party?" I had to read it.
Bachelor and Bachelorette parties are messed up. I mean, popular, mainstream parties? How could anyone get behind or logically defend bachelor/ette parties (strippers, lap dances, penis games, etc?) Even the ideas of "one last night of freedom?" I argue this attitude might be a symptom of why so many marriages fail. First of all, if one goes into a marriage thinking that the way to prepare for the upcoming wedding day is to watch another girl get naked or fool around with penis paraphernalia something is wrong. They are setting theirselves up for a life of disappointment and individualism if they think they need to relieve themselves of the things that would be repressed in marriage. I feel that marriage is the opposite: it opens up a world of opportunity. True, a bachelor/ette party is a great time to spend with people who are really behind the marriage or people who have been really close to the bride/groom. For me, it's a thank you, a homage to the old days, the days that will indeed end (since, I mean, yeah, when a person gets married they are part of a new identity/reality: that of a husband or wife to their spouse...but I am not at all under the assumption that friendships or anything changes...there is just more love to go around...)
Besides the article and this line in particular, "but when you start putting restrictions on him for no good reason" (how is saying no to seeing a girl degrade herself and thus contributing to the smut that is the pornographic industry such a bad thing--this is the indicator of a culture in trouble--degradation isn't worried about--people don't keep each other accountable to morals. Relativity. no right or wrong? i don't think so.)
there are the comments. There is this strange trend for women and its that many say "I trust he wouldn't do anything to hurt me" and thus talk themselves (or rather make a safe way for their spouses to do things that shouldn't be okay in a marriage into being okay with something that should hurt) into a dilemma. So many have been manipulated to think that it's wrong for significant others to put restrictions on the unmoral behaviors they engage in; that it's [boundaries for the sake of "other"] the worse of two evils.
Strip joints are foul places. There is no excuse for them. And I get really sad when things like this are thought of as "normal" or expected behavior.
The problem is thinking of boundaries as restrictions. It's the American perception of freedom: no boundaries, celebration of the individual , and materialism. For me, in life (and marriage) I give myself over and in turn I actually gain more life: full of richness and "realness". But first you give it up. AND if both spouses are giving themselves to the other, there is no room to fear control and confinement.
Anyways, that's my rant for today. Maybe tomorrow it will be what I think about big families and the environment. I love being married to Seth. I am blessed with a really really really great person for my husband.
We've had quite the intense week after returning from the honeymoon. Actually, the night before the wedding we saw a for sale sign in front of our rental...we have been trying to make the MAJOR decision of whether to buy this beloved house or not. UGHHHHHH. But hey, it's so awesome to be able to have someone to make these decisions with!!!!
I think Julian likes us married too.
Brooke (for the first time on this blog) Forwood