it's been a while since i wrote last. and i really have nothing to say. i could write about how we finally officially closed on our house a week ago, or about insecurities, or about the nostalgia i'm experiencing especially since I got our wedding pictures from Adam and Imthiaz a week ago and since i went to Palmer Flowers today to finally thank Susan for the hard and beautiful work she did to make our wedding look beautiful. She's practically a forever friend now, she asked about my mom and our life now. And it was really sweet to remember those 5:30 meetings where we discussed how many flowers would go in the bouquets.
That little meeting actually really made my day.
And now I am avoiding realizing I'm close to school--I DON'T WANT TO GO. but because of some encouragement and a push in the right direction (I actually have the name of a photo lens to get--now if i only had some $$$$$) I, feeling a surge of confidence that comes with having even the slightest sense of direction, found some information on digital photo editing which in turn left me knowing that I'd be learning all these things formally in only a matter of weeks. This is what I've been wanting--but I'm dreading it--maybe to cope with the possible disappointment, or the fear of failure. But if I focus on these things--oh yeah and the beauty of Colorado autumns, perhaps, I can further prepare my mind for this school thing.
And speaking of school, I just had been talking about this very profound moment that happened to me when I was living my first semester in Grand Rapids. I had been reading The Great Divorce by C.S Lewis on the seemingly long bus ride home from the downtown city campus to my sweet "Colorado Ave House." During this time, I was sick (mentally, physically, emotionally), I was alone, and struggling with one of the darkest times of my life, but there was this house on the top of the hill of our street with a mom, a dad, three kids or so, and a grandpa. This is what I wrote about it when I got home from the walk from the bus stop:
[I wrote this entry really neatly as opposed to my usual scribble--I remember knowing that the day would stay with me forever]
September 21, 2006
A change from the arguing clouds and sun of yesterday, today's brightened and shortened autumn day prompted me to walk lightly with my feet and carry a book in my hands. It was warmer outside. My happiness was nearly pouring from my eyes which would seem to block out any sense of where I was -- but I was also so aware of all that surrounded me -- the speckles of sunlight that found their ways through the luscious trees, so it came as an interesting surprise and expectation that the featured violinist -- Colorado Street's own professional -- was saying to me, "Good Afternoon."
Still being surrounded in the perfection of my reading I stopped what seemed to be my swirling head to confirm who was talking to me. "Ah, coming back from school? And already starting on homework." I explained it was only for enjoyment. And this is when my happiness rose higher than I could stand, "Ah to be young....And go to school again."
Here I am in Michigan, surrounded in trees, and I have the privilege to go to school, and be young.
After he spoke to me, I continued on down Colorado Street.
I was warm.
That's it; and funny how it's reminding and pushing me now. That old creaky man looked down from his porch then and gave me some clarity. I was really blessed to receive it from him.
Now I should start dinner for my husband. But how about a too cute video? yeah, i think it's called for. This is my niece Andi who decided she wanted to call her Aunt B....couldn't you just melt?! the inflections are so hilarious.