Tuesday, February 23, 2010

love fool

The semester is certainly underway, I have not had the time or thoughts (other than about painting, art history, spanish, or drawing) to blog.

But I'm feeling caught up finally, i think, but i thought i'd share some more thoughts on marriage today.

This past weekend, Seth and I went to the Sanker family's house for dinner. They are a lovely couple from Christ our Hope with five little boys to keep us entertained thoughout dinner and church services ;) They feel like, as a couple, they should take young engaged or soon to be marrieds into their house to nuture and help answer questions about marriage and life together. We are very thankful to have such help and encouragement all around us, I am so thankful for people who care enough to help us prepare!

Seth gave me a piece of reading that I am embarrassed to say I don't know the source of but its practical and insightful writing about marriage has inspired me.

One of the biggest problems i think, and a reason for so many failed marriages, stems from this society's obsession with ROMANCE. Love to so many involves feelings, good feelings, and even some bad (under the ruse of "passionate") feelings, and all those actions that show that a guy (or girl) cares: flowers, presents, surprises, ostentatious displays of sweet affection. What happens when they end? Does that really mean that he's stopped caring? Actually, maybe it does. Because that economy of buying affection will end--there's only so much that can be bought.

hmm. maybe that's more of my "valentine's day is meaningless" lecture. Back to romance, which is completely founded in feelings (which are temporary...much like happiness), in David Matzko McCarthy's The Good Life: Genuine Christianity for the Middle Class (i found the source!) dating and romance is described as something that can bring a couple "to the alter" something that is "face to face." While dating, "We develop a romantic relationship, just you and I, and our best moments are free from intrusion, where we are able to look deeply into each other's eyes."
But this cannot sustain a couple. It feels needless to say that after a while, reality sets in. And McCarthy suggests that couples must be "side by side" rather than the "face to face" of a "You and I" relationship.
McCarthy then writes about the sadness presented in the media over marriage:

"Modern marriage is comic in some respects, but the picture given by the typical sitcom is ultimately tragic. In the typical television program, the foibles and misfortunes of marriage are resolved by a renewal of romantic appreciation. In other words, husband and wife are renewed by a face to face moment. They are able to turn away from the dishes and dirty laundry and focus on each other--on their relationship. The message here, I think, is that romance can overcome all troubles, and that youthful love can endure. This is the tragedy: marriage endures only if we never grow up, if our love never moves beyond the immaturity of dating...Christians, in contrast, are called to a higher love of friendship with God...Romantic love makes promises ("till death do we part") that it cannot keep."

That's long but way too good to condense. but there's more in the next paragraph:

"Friendship sustains the promise...Romantically, we desire to give ourselves over to another. In friendship, we are called to live side by side, animated by a common vision and progressing toward a common goal. If romance draws individuals outside of themselves, friendship draws the pair outside of "the relationship."

I really like that last sentance especially because it is so challenging. Friendship in this chapter is what takes romance's place in a marriage, and it is what lasts. "The friendship of God draws us to a love that we cannot sustain on our own in our private moments of loving face to face. We are called to join together to increase in faithfulness." As Christians, as I've stated alot, we pray that our marriage is beyond ourselves--that because of Christ, we, as a married couple, are able to give and love fully. And we plan to do this by modeling our future home after the Church (or what the Church should be): open to neighbors and strangers, a place for hospitality, and food and drink.

I get very excited when writing that last line. Because as a soon to be wife, I want for the first time in my life, to be home, to make our home these things. I want to make it cozy and inviting, always smelling good, with the raspberry bushes blooming and that little garden plot growing veggies for our salads--I need to start those seeds right now!

It's almost three months away. what what what what what! sometimes I lay in bed and try to think of the moment that Dave will say "husband and wife." It overcomes me. Then the other day I found this picture of the reception site :) I took it right after a storm on 4th of July last year. We are praying for no rain, but if it happens to rain on the wedding day, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, because if it'd clear, it could look like this:

A VERY happy tuesday to everyone. I wish everyone could see how beautiful Fort Collins is today. The sun's out! (After four days with no sun, I am baffled as to how I lasted through two Michigan winters, I didn't see the sun for month(s?). Wait, i know, tanning beds, julian, and some friends helped ;)

No comments:

Post a Comment